law & order

If I’ve learned anything from law school (and I have), it is that law shows are all a crock. In one of my classes today, we were talking about objections. We were each supposed to come up with questions and the objections that go along with them. We then went around the class and would take turns asking our questions while our classmates objected to them. For example:

Q: Why did you decide not to let your daughter testify today?
A: Objection, the question calls for privileged communication.

Q: What did the doctor tell you at dinner last year?
A: Objection, hearsay.

Q: You were getting ready for lunch and you asked Mr. Lynch to go pick up some bread, but he hadn’t returned yet and when he left he didn’t tell you where he was going but you thought you knew because he might have mentioned going to work?
A: Objection, the question is confusing.

Q: When did you first suspect that Mr. Lynch might not be feeling well? Why did you decide at that particular time to get life insurance?
A: Objection, compound question.

Knowing what I know now, it is funny to think about lawyer shows and all of the times that they badger the witness and ask completely improper questions. Those things are completely against the rules and no real-life court would allow those questions to be asked (and no opposing counsel would allow them to ask those questions without objections). In real life, the attorneys on Law & Order wouldn’t be able to ask the types of questions they ask, Ally McBeal and her gang would be in big trouble for their dress and behavior, and Cousin Vinny would have been fired for being an incompetent lawyer.